in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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