It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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