I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
