If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
