Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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