I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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