And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
