billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
