I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
