erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
