I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
