I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
