I met the friendliest cop last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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