i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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