So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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