So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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