Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize