then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
