wrigley field is MILF paradise
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
