The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
