Im at strip club and am horny
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
