You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
