Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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