I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
