these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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