I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
