community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
