Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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