I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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