Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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