never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
