Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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