i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
