She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
