new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So many bounce houses so little time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
