i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
