Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
