it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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