A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
