The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
