remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
