Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
