"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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