remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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