Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
