so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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