also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
