her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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