I'm going to jail i love you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
