i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
