I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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