Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
