I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Randomize