I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
