Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
