Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
