I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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