why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
