Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
