My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
