I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
