I cannot find my penis.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
