Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
