your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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