I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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