i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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