And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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