she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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