are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
