you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Still dying that you shit outside
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
