she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
