I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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