Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sober January is a disaster.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
