i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
