I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
